Inuyasha Theories
by excelsis
Summary: I've developed some intersting theories regarding this series, and thought I would share my theories. It covers things that are never really explained, or things that are very vague. Some people may not like it, but I don't care.
1. Theory One

Here's some flames I received from an ignorant person:

From: Izumiko ( )

it would have been funny is InuYasha had pulled down his pants and PROVED he

was a MALE, and, 1 thing, kagome needs to die, she suckes , she can go date

koga, InuYasha is better than her, and 'yasha' means DEMON, not FEMALE DEMONE,

you mother tit sucker son of a hoe wipe i hope you grow up to have

many children and they all get their internal organs ripped out of them,

slowly and painfully, then the killer smears them down your throat. you can go

jerk off in a comic book, i hope you get paper cuts on your nuts and they fall

of bastard!

Theory three makes sense, but Sesshoumaru-sama never carried the Staff of Two

Heads before Jaken came along. If I remeber corectly, I think it was in the

episod 'Jaken's plan to steal Tetsigia', there is a flash-back to when

Sesshoumaru and Jaken meet. Jaken was leader of a bunch of ugly green

toad-demons, and was about to be killed by another demon when Sesshoumaru came

along and said "you're in my way, move", and the demon didn't, so he killed

it, then later, after Jaken asked to be his servant, Sesshoumaru-sama had his

hand in a water-fall, then threw the Staff of Two Heads at Jaken, and said "if

you can use it, you can have it" and Jaken said he would be honored, blah blah

blah, and Sesshoumaru-sama never refers to himself as 'this Sesshoumaru'.

wow... you're an idiot. I had always wondered what it was, so did some

research. And, in most sites, it said that the creator of the show was trying

to make the fluffy thin on Sesshoumaru's shoulder armor, but got carried away.

My reply: Obviously, you've never watched it in Japanese, then. In the Japanese version, he speaks in third person CONSTANTLY, which is actually normal for the language. Regarding his fluffy thing, it was a joke, moron, and I pointed out that my friend said it was a parasite, not me. This is merely my interpretation of what she said. Before you start trying to be a smartass, please read my notes thoroughly and try to appreciate it for its humorous value. Also, he was in search of the Staff of Two Heads, so if Jaken had not come along, he would have carried it around anyway. Also, you're very immature--regarding your comment about Inuyasha's name. Once again, read my notes. It clearly states that I know the meaning of his real name and I am merely poking fun at an alternate meaning. Goddess, people like you annoy me.

But, yes, I do agree that if he had pulled down his hakama to prove he's a guy, it would be really funny. And I also hate Kagome. Yay for mutual hatred. Furthermore, you are the only person who has flamed me who can spell correctly, which is appreciated.

(I eagerly await to see if this person replies to that. If he/she does, I will post that as well!)

My Inuyasha Theories:

Theory #1:

The Truth Behind the Fluffy.

Sesshomaru's "Fluffy" is, in fact, a parasitic demon. So claims a friend of mine who researched it.

The strange thing is that his father has a "fluffy" and so does his mother.

Here comes the "theory" part:

So, apparently, everyone in this family gets attacked by a parasitic demon—even if they're just married in to the family.

Has anyone else noticed that Sesshy-kun's "fluffy" actually grows and shrinks randomly (sucking his blood) throughout the series? In the beginning, he can look over it. Later on, it seems as though he has to look around it.

One may argue and say that he does, in fact, move it around from time to time and lie on it and such. However, it could just be that it latches on somewhere else. He can manipulate it, to a point. That it's alive could also explain why it shrinks and grows from time to time too.

Interesting, right? Now I've got a funny little parody here about it:

Inuyasha and friends are walking along through a forest, talking amongst themselves, bickering occasionally, and basically, just trying to pass time. Endlessly traveling got boring after a while.

Inuyasha was walking slightly behind the others, and they were too lost in their banter to pay any attention to him. He had been feeling weird lately, like something he couldn't see or even smell was watching him.

Something suddenly leaped out at him. He yelped in surprise, then yelled in fear. A giant, fluffy parasite and just latched itself to his left shoulder. The others looked at him and frowned.

"Inuyasha… What are you doing?" Kagome wondered, as it looked like he was combating a very large, very fluffy pillow—and losing at that. He yelped in pain when it buried its teeth into his shoulder, digging in and attaching itself firmly. The parasitic demon rearranged itself into a more comfortable position, falling in just the same way that Sesshomaru's "fluffy" did, only on the other shoulder. Inuyasha almost immediately realized this and let loose an involuntary scream of terror. The world seemed hell-bent on making him similar to his brother.

He grabbed Tetsuiga, but it was useless. He couldn't use its power, for fear of killing himself in the process. Well, maybe he could try to slice it off. Stupid idea. The damned sword was too enormous for that. He ran over to Kagome and grabbed one of her arrows, stabbing at the thing furiously. Its fur, while very soft, was also very long, and he couldn't find its actual body. It was like the entire thing was made out of fluff, with a very thin central body, getting thicker the closer it got to it. He couldn't find the body! He ended up stabbing himself with the arrow before he threw it on the ground angrily.

"What's going on?" Sango demanded.

"It's a parasitic demon," Miroku helpfully said.

Inuyasha glared at him. "I know that! How do I get it off?"

Kagome looked at the fluffy and poked it, frowning. "Well, we can try to dig it out, or we can burn it. That's how you get rid of normal parasites."

So, they attempted to look through the fluff and try to find the actual body, but the fluff was so close together and thick that they couldn't get to it to remove it. Inuyasha was just grateful that it wasn't painful anymore. Actually, the fluff was kind of nice… No, he had to get rid of it _now_!

"Guess we have to burn it," Kagome said, fishing through her bag for a lighter. Inuyasha began to panic. If she set him on fire… The fire-rat cloth would protect him for the most part, but the fluff was pretty close to his face and his hair, so… He froze, staring at her. She removed a silver lighter from her bag and flipped it open. She tested it once then reached for him.

He leaped backwards. "No! No!" he yelled. What was this? There was only one person he could ask: one of the people he hated the most in the world.

He turned and took off, on the hunt for the person he usually tried to avoid at all costs.

After running for most of the day, he finally caught a whiff of Sesshomaru's scent. He just hoped that the damned dog demon wouldn't run off or attack him. He just wanted to know if there was a way to get it _off_.

He was in such a hurry that he almost collided with Sesshomaru. Said demon lord stared at him for a moment, then continued walking, his troupe following him.

"Hey, wait! You gotta tell me how to get rid of this thing!" Inuyasha yelled, pointing to the fluffy obscenity on his shoulder.

"You can't," Sesshomaru told him, not bothering to look back or even slow down. Inuyasha stared at him for a moment in horror, then chased after him.

"What? Wadda ya mean?"

Sesshomaru disliked Inuyasha being in such close proximity and not dead, but he was in no mood to attack him right now. "It is a ridiculous and unbreakable curse placed on the dog demon line. Accept it."

Despite his efforts, Inuyasha could not pry a better explanation from Sesshomaru, so he gave up and left.


	2. Theory Two

Theory #2:

Rin is a pet.

There has been much speculation about Rin's mysterious relationship with Sesshomaru. Some people say that she is like a daughter, others a future lover.

Personally, I think that Rin is a pet, and I have solid grounds with which to believe this is so.

For one thing, the demons in the anime/manga are based on those in the myths in Japan. Meaning, they eat humans: Demons are to humans, as humans are to cows.

Humans are dinner; plain and simple. (Meaning that Inuyasha is half dinner, by the way.) So, a demon being with a human is sort of like a human falling in love with a cow; it is laughable and sick, thus why Sesshomaru-sama hates Inuyasha so much. I wouldn't like a brother who was half dinner either.

Anyway, to get to the point. Say, some animals never become dinner, as they are pets. Rin is like that. She could be dinner, but she isn't, as she is, in fact, a beloved and spoiled pet.

The story:

Jaken was trying to keep up with his lord, stumbling after him, almost having to run to keep up with his quick pace. They had left Rin behind with Aun, as the inu demon lord had dubbed their destination to dangerous for the child.

Sesshomaru stopped and looked up at the moon for a moment, causing Jaken to almost crash into him. He avoided colliding with his lord by falling on his face, which happened to land on a jagged rock. While Jaken cursed his ill luck and clumsiness, the far prettier of the two started walking again.

Lately, something had been bothering Jaken. Why would his lord allow Rin to travel with them? And, more importantly, what was their strange relationship, really? It made no sense.

Sesshomaru stopped again, sniffing the air, then changed direction once more. The scent was evading him—whatever he was hunting for. He did not seem to be in any hurry, however. He was pursuing this prey in a relaxed manner, so Jaken felt free to finally ask. If Sesshomaru didn't answer, that didn't particularly matter. There would be no loss. "My lord, I know it is not my place to ask, but what is Rin to you?"

Sesshomaru stopped again and looked down at Jaken. Faintly, in the back of the toad's mind, it seemed as though Sesshomaru was making a point of looking _down _at him. But that could just be his self-consciousness about his height talking. "I should think it would be obvious."

Jaken blinked. "I am afraid that I do not know what you… mean…"

Sesshomaru leveled his eyes. He didn't like having to explain himself, but he also understood that Jaken was rather dense, and he had become accustomed to it over the years of the idiotic toad following him about wherever he went. His tolerance for Jaken had run out within the first week of Jaken's willing servitude, in fact, but that is another story. "Rin is a pet."

Jaken blinked again. He had known that Sesshomaru and Rin seemed to be close, but he had seen them as being more father-daughter, really. But now that he thought of it… "I… see."

"You will keep this a secret," he told him, knowing all too well how Jaken tormented Rin at any opportunity. Rin would despair at this news, as she could never be expected to understand, and he did not want that; it would mean that he would have to try to explain. Which would mean telling her what it is he eats, if he wanted to explain properly. That may give Rin pause in being his pet, after all.

"Yes, my lord!"


	3. Theory Three

Theory Three: Jaken

Just exactly _why_ does Jaken follow Sesshomaru-sama about, despite the abuse he gets?

Because if he left, Sesshomaru-sama would kill him for the following reasons:

Abandoning his duties.

Breaking his vow to be his servant.

Jaken knows too much, and must not be free to wander about with said knowledge (vague as it may be).

Why does Sesshomaru allow him to follow him about?

If Jaken left, there would be no one to carry the Staff of Two Heads, and Sesshomaru would just succeed in looking ridiculous if he carried it with him (it is his, after all, not Jaken's). So, Sesshomaru-sama would be angry. You do not want to provoke him.

Sesshomaru needs a baby-sitter (pet-sitter) for Rin.

Jaken acts as a living stress ball/provides comic relief in the form of physical pain.

Misery loves company. When Sesshomaru is feeling miserable, he can take it out on Jaken and feel better, as he knows that there is now someone just as miserable/more miserable than he is.

Sesshomaru-sama, being a threat to the main characters, is a villain. No true villain is ever complete without an incompetent, ridiculous lackey.

Story:

Rin bounced around playfully in the field of flowers, enjoying the brief time it was taking them to cross through it. Sesshomaru had sent Jaken to go do something or other, so the toad was not about. Rin didn't really care, though. The flowers were pretty, the sun was shining, and she was with her lord. She glanced at him, then looked around for a moment. She ran up to him, a bouquet of flowers in hand.

"Sesshomaru-sama, Jaken is really annoying," she commented. He gave a slight nod of agreement. "So, why does he follow you around?"

It didn't seem like Sesshomaru was going to answer her for a moment, but, to her surprise and delight, he finally did. "Several reasons."

She didn't bother concealing her disappointment with his characteristically brief answer. She frowned. "Sesshomaru-sama…" she whined. "What are your reasons?"

"This Sesshomaru need him."

This surprised her. "What?"

"He carries the Staff of Two Heads for me."

She blinked. "I thought it was Jaken's."

"It's mine."

She laughed at the image of Sesshomaru carrying it and accepted that reason. "Is there anything else?"

"Yes."

She waited for a moment before realizing that he was not going to say anything more unless she asked. "What are the other reasons?"

Sesshomaru blinked. The other reasons were rather cruel. "Comic relief."

"What's that?"

"Sometimes this Sesshomaru's life becomes stressful or unpleasant. Jaken provides a diversion from such things."

She blinked very slowly, trying to process this. "So… When Sesshomaru-sama steps or kicks Jaken, you are unhappy with something… And instead of dealing with it yourself, you throw a tantrum and take it out on Jaken?"

Sesshomaru looked down at her disdainfully, but otherwise said nothing. He did not approve of her interpretation. Right on timing, Jaken came running out of the forest, helter-skelter, falling in front of Sesshomaru, holding up whatever it was he had been sent to fetch in a triumphant manner. Sesshomaru stepped on him, totally ignoring his existence, and at the same time, not ignoring him at all—his living stress ball.


	4. Theory Four

Theory 4: Shippo

Why is Shippo half fox and half humanoid-ish, even though he is a full-blooded demon? Why isn't he either completely humanoid, or completely fox?

The main reason is probably to appeal to girls in the "aaaw; he's so adorable!" sort of thing.

But, for the sake of the anime, why is this so?

It is safe to assume that some (as in most) demons carry on traits to the "false" forms they have from their "true forms." An example of this is how Inuyasha has puppy ears/claws/etc, Sesshomaru has elongated ears/claws/etc, and why Shippo looks the way he does. Maybe. Or it could all be by choice, except in Inuyasha's case.

I have a different theory, though! (Obviously.)

His father obviously had two forms, yes? Do we agree on this? Good.

So, if the power of the father passes down to the offspring (as is usually the case, it seems), then Shippo also has two forms. My theory, however, is within the story itself, so here we go!

Before the Thunder Brothers ruined Shippo's life:

Shippo was born in his fox form, and didn't really seem to mind it; he was cute, adorable, and such. His parents also spent most of their time in those forms, so it never really occurred to him until later on that they could become humanoid.

He first saw them change when they were talking to some other kind of demon, and it intrigued him. He asked them about it. They replied that he would be able to do such things when he was older and had learned to master his fox magic.

However, Shippo, being the curious sort of fox he is, wanted to see if he could do it now. So, out playing one day, the thought enticed him into doing so. He looked around, thinking things through for a moment. How had his parents done it? It just looked like they… He didn't really know. But he was determined to figure it out.

So, he sat down and tried to calm down, taking deep breaths. He summoned all the fox magic he had learned, and focused on what he wanted to do with it. _Transform_, he thought, imagining himself with the different body. He created a focus. He had to imagine what he would like look—maybe it was more what he wanted to look like; he didn't really know, but an image came to him nonetheless. Yeah! Maybe it's working?

Shippo felt his body changing, working from the top downwards. Then something went wrong. The magic suddenly snuffed out. He looked around and screamed. The transformation was only halfway complete! The upper part was good, but the bottom… "Agh," he moaned. "This is bad."

He tried to finish it, but the magic just wouldn't come again. He tried to shift back, but it wouldn't work. He screamed again, this time in panic, then ran back towards home. He flew at his mom, crying. "I don't know how to turn back!" he wailed.

She pushed him off of her and looked at him. "Oh, dear…" Then she chuckled. "It's all right, Shippo-kun. You'll be able to turn back one day."

"Can't you help me?" he asked, eyes watering.

His father came over to him, sniffing at him, then he laughed. "No, this is your doing, Shippo. I did the same thing at your age, and the same thing happened to me. But relax, you'll be able to turn back eventually."

Shippo moaned dramatically and fell over.


	5. Theory Five

(I wasn't going to do this, but I received two "notifications" "correcting" me on the use of this. The fact of the matter is that I _know_ his name has an alternate meaning, and that was the intent. However, due to the fact that the Japanese language often uses the same words as different English words, it leads to mistranslations. Go to a Japanese-English Dictionary on-line and type in "yasha." What will come up is "female demon." Don't believe me--do it yourself! This is a play off of a mistranslation. If you can't take a joke, don't read it, because I don't want you here, I don't like you, and it wasn't meant for you. Gawd.)

Theory #5: Inuyasha

Inu: dog

Yasha: female demon

Why is it that Inuyasha has never realized that his name means "female dog demon"? Why has no one ever pointed this out to him, if for no other reason than to make fun of him?

The answer to the first question is simple enough: Inuyasha is an illiterate moron.

The second is slightly more complicated: Everyone would be too afraid to point this out, and Kagome is too nice to say anything. That leaves only one other person who would bother pointing it out (Sesshomaru). But the sexy elder brother doesn't like talking.

And, most of all, _why the bloody hell did his obviously crazed father name him "female dog demon"?_

More than that, what possessed Izayoi to go along with naming her _son_ _female_ dog demon? Maybe because it was the last wish of her soon-to-be-dead lover doggie? He obviously didn't realize that Inuyasha was a boy!

So, he was expecting a daughter? Hmm. Why was he expecting a daughter? And why was he so horribly unoriginal in naming him?

It could be for the same reason that people name their sons things like "Stacey" or "Sue" or shit like that. As if his life wasn't already going to suck ass!

So, I suppose my theory is as follows:

The Great Dog Demon is a jerk, and his final move (besides to save their lives) was to basically further condemn his son to be a social outcast. Gods forbid he should have a normal, somewhat satisfied with life child. (No, damn it, all my children must be emo, gender-confused, and all around psycho—like me.)

Furthermore, Inuyasha either realizes this and ignores it (for some reason, not changing his name to something a bit more masculine), or, more likely, is too stupid to realize it.

Here's my story:

Another night, another setting up camp. Inuyasha was noisily slurping up noodles. Watching him really was like watching a dog eat—no grace or shame. It was kind of horrifying, really. One day, Kagome really had to make Inuyasha "sit" down and learn some vague kind of etiquette. At least enough not to be an embarrassment.

It was approaching "that time of the month" for her, and she was rather moody, so his bad table manners were really getting on her nerves. She never should have given him Ramen. In fact, he really didn't deserve _anything_ she had given to him, except maybe a "sit" or two dozen.

He and Shippo began to argue over the last package. Inuyasha grabbed it. Shippo began to wail. This was _really_ getting on her nerves. In fact… "Osawari," she said quietly. Inuyasha hit the ground. Shippo pounced and grabbed the package, sticking his tongue out at the half-demon. The half demon with the name "female dog demon." Kagome was feeling particularly bitchy today. If Inuyasha did one thing to piss her off…

"What'd ya do that for, bitch!" he screamed.

_What?_ "Osawari," she said again. After he had recovered, she fixed her death glare upon him. It was something not entirely unlike having the hounds of hell staring at you in a hungry manner. "Inuyasha." He prepared for another "sit." "Do you know what your name means?" She smiled slyly. He stared at her for a moment, then decided that he didn't want to hear it. He had heard it before. "'_Female_ dog demon.' So, tell me, _Inuyasha_ are you _really_ a man?"

Inuyasha stuttered for a moment, opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Finally, he found his voice, "What the hell do you mean by that! 'Course I'm a man!"

"Hmph," Kagome said.

"I am!" he yelled.

"Then why does your name say you're a girl?"

Inuyasha's eyes darted around for a moment. He didn't have an answer. He had no idea what his father had been thinking in those last few moments, and Myoga had never said anything about it. He could have said any number of thinks as a rude response, but all he could really concentrate on was why his name proclaimed him to be female.

However, there was no way to answer that for an absolute certain without holding a séance, and, in lack of the proper equipment, he decided to do what he normally did and ignore the problem in the hopes that it would go away (considering that he couldn't attack it). "Keh," he muttered, and hopped up in his tree.


	6. Theory Six

Theory #6: Regenerating Demons

--Naraku regenerates. His reincarnations do too.

--Inuyasha grows back his teeth after they are ripped out in a matter of hours.

--It is my belief that all demons (and half demons) regenerate—some just do so much more slowly than others, depending on their bloodlines.

--So, there's hope for Sesshomaru getting another arm! glee

Here's my story regarding it too:

Inuyasha looked up at the night sky, getting comfortable on his perch on the tree. A cool wind lifted his hair. While the breeze was pleasant, it carried with him a scent he always hated to smell—Sesshomaru.

What the hell was _he_ doing nearby? Ugh. Well, should he ignore him and hope he goes away, or should he go attack him before he did anything fishy? Sesshomaru was never up to anything decent. He was always doing something at the expense of others. Besides, he could go kick his ass and then would be able to sleep easy anyway. He wasn't sure he wanted to go to sleep with Sesshomaru so close he could smell him.

He looked down at the others. They were all fast asleep. He silently hopped down and even more quietly ran away, headed toward his older brother.

It didn't take him too long to find him. He was standing at the edge of a cliff's edge, staring at the crescent moon that one of his demon markings was a replica of. He didn't even bother to look at Inuyasha as he approached.

Inuyasha drew his sword. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Sesshomaru felt mildly annoyed, but he ignored him and continued staring off into space, literally. "Hey! Answer me! I know you're up to _something_!"

Sesshomaru was growing gradually more irritated the more he heard Inuyasha' loud, uneducated voice. "Be quiet."

"Turn around and fight me!"

Sesshomaru sighed inwardly. How in the world could he _possibly_ be related to this ingrate? He didn't move, which provoked Inuyasha further. The hanyou charged at him. Sesshomaru turned around and his whip wrapped around Tessuiga. He drew his sword with his other hand. Inuyasha frowned. Something was wrong, but he couldn't quite place what… Sesshomaru came toward him, attacking with both Tokijin and the whip. There was something weird about that, too, but Inuyasha still couldn't quite place it…

In fact, he was so busy trying to figure out what was so weird, that it took him several more clashes with Sesshomaru to realize it was his arm. More accurately, that he now had two.

"Hey, wait a minute," Inuyasha said, frowning at Sesshomaru's left arm. "Where the hell did _that_ come from? Didn't I hack that off?"

"It grew back," Sesshomaru said. Was that some kind of self-satisfaction Inuyasha heard in his brother's voice? "This Sesshomaru grows weary of this irksome sparring."

"_What_?"

Sesshomaru turned away, sliding Tokijin back into his obi. He flew off. Inuyasha yelled at him to come back, sending the Wind Scar after him, but it was all fairly useless.

Damn it. He had taken a certain amount of pride in cutting off his older brother's arm, and now he didn't have that bragging right any more. Well, yes, he had hacked off the bastard's arm, but what was the use in feeling any pride about it if it could no longer be proven?

Well, that had certainly spoiled his day!


	7. Theory Seven

**Theory 7: **_The Inu Family_

They're from China, not Japan. (Inuyasha himself is half Chinese, half Japanese, half human, and half demon, thus making him, in Koga's terms, a mutt perfectly.)

I have come to this conclusion based on several different reasonings:

Lord of the West. Think about it: Japan isn't all that big, and what lies to the _west_ of Japan? China.

Sesshomaru's pants. That's right. They're mainland Asia-style. Not Japenese.

Sesshomaru and Inutaisho's armor—also with roots in mainland Asia.

Sesshomaru's shoes—roots in mainland Asia.

This would also explain why Sesshomaru disappears for a long time—he's back home in China.

The parody:

Rin looked out at the sea, trying to measure the distance of the rock she had thrown. She picked up another stone. Sesshomaru had left them several days ago at the beach. The weather was good, and Rin enjoyed herself, but she still missed her lord when he was gone. She looked back at the sulking Jaken. "Master Jaken, where did Sesshomaru-sama go?"

He didn't even bother to look at her. "Sesshomaru-sama went back home."

She blinked. "Sesshomaru-sama was homesick?"

A brief pause as Jaken considered the possibility of this. "I don't know," he confessed.

"Where is Sesshomaru-sama's home, Master Jaken? And why didn't he bring us?"

Jaken sighed deeply. The girl was so wearing on his sanity and patience. If he lost either, the ending result would probably be the same, though—he would flip and probably start yelling at Rin, and Sesshomaru would put an end to it by either killing him (if he was in a bad mood) or just kicking him or some such thing.

The girl started talking again. Did she ever shut up? "He flew across the sea…" She looked back at Jaken as she realized something. "Master Jaken, is Sesshomaru-sama from the mainland?"

"Of course, you ignorant brat!"

The insult didn't really seem to register with her mind. She was accustomed to Jaken's insults, and she knew that it was just his personality. It didn't bother her. "Oh, that's so cool!" Then her spirits fell. "I want to go… Why did he leave us behind?"

"Because the sea is no place for a human child!"

"But I'm always safe with Sesshomaru-sama," Rin pointed out.

Jaken felt flustered, as always. "Well… In China, they speak a different dialect, and you don't know it!"

"Do you?" she asked.

Jaken's mood darkened from its usual dull gray to coal. "… No." He had always hated it when Sesshomaru started speaking in Chinese. His constant complaining had earned him several knots on his head, but Sesshomaru had begun to speak more in Japanese the past few decades. They had spent a lot of time in Japan, though. "Of course, there are other reasons as well, Rin!"

"What are they?"

Jaken didn't know. Naturally, he didn't want to admit that, though. "Oh, be quiet, you stupid girl!'

She squinted into the distance. "Sesshomaru-sama!" she cried excitedly, dropping the stone.

Jaken looked up. Sure enough, there was Sesshomaru on the horizon and approaching with great speed. The lord landed somewhat daintily and glanced at the girl and the imp. It was as if they hadn't moved in the three days he had left them. For some reason, this wasn't very surprising, though.

Rin immediately barraged him with questions about his heritage.

"Are you _really_ from China?"

"Yes."

"Why did you come to Japan?"

"To kill Inuyasha and Naraku."

"Will you go back to China once you do?"

"Most likely."

"Can I come with you?"

"Maybe."

"Why couldn't I come this time?"

"I wanted to go alone."

And it sort of continued like that for about half an hour, before Sesshomaru directed all of her never-ending questions to Jaken, who supplied her with no answers, as he didn't know.


	8. Theory Eight

**Theory Eight: **_Miroku_

Miroku is a virgin.

My reasoning:

Virgins are some of the most perverted people out there, especially if they don't want you to know that they are.

He's desperate.

Most girls just brush him off.

Most people don't think that constantly getting slapped is worth it.

Just think about it for a while.

**The parody:**

The group sat around a campfire, bored. They had decided to stop before going into a forbidding looking forest. Kagome offered to take out her card deck, but everyone was sort of tired of that.

"Hey, I know!" Kagome said. "How about we all tell each other one secret about ourselves that _nobody_ else knows."

They looked at each other. "Why not?" Sango said. She looked at Miroku. "What about you go first, monk?"

"Er, me?" He waved his hand dismissively. "Ladies first, I insist. Kagome? It was your idea."

Kagome put a finger on her lower lip as she thought. "Once, when I was in Junior High, it was raining and I was on my way to school. I slipped and landed in a mud puddle. I had to go home to change, but I told everyone that I overslept."

"Oh, that's stupid," Shippo said. "One time, when I was younger, I tried to transform into my humanoid form, but I got stuck halfway."  
Sango frowned. "Is that why half of you is a fox?"

"Yep!"

"Hm," she said as she thought about what to tell the others. She ruffled Kirara's ears. She smiled as she thought of something. "When I was younger, and Kirara had learned to transform, I went for a ride on Kirara." She laughed. "I lost my balance and fell off. I landed in a lake and Kirara had to fish me out." She looked at Inuyasha. "Inuyasha, what about you?"

"Feh," he said from his perch on the tree.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Inuyasha, just tell us something, or I'll say the s-word."

He looked down at them, then looked back at the darkening sky. "Fine. A long time ago, when I was Shippo's age, I fell in a thorn bush. Happy?"

As they all pictured a younger Inuyasha falling into a thorn bush, Miroku was busy trying to think of an excuse to take off immediately. But he couldn't think of anything, and his only real secret was too huge for this.

"Miroku?" Sango said.

"Eh, me?" he asked. He tucked his hands into the opposite sleeves. "I have no secrets."

Kagome leaned forward. "That just means you have a ton of secrets."

"C'mon. Spill it," Shippo urged.

Miroku looked from one to the other, then closed his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about. I really don't have anything to hide."

Nobody bought it. "Why don't you tell them how old you were the first time you impregnated a girl?" Inuyasha said.

Kagome almost "sat" him, but Sango distracted her. She looked on the verge of murder. "Yes. Why don't you tell us, monk?" she hissed dangerously.

Oh, dear… Miroku looked at her. Would it be more dangerous to refuse? If he did, she would assume the absolute worse. However, if he told the truth, he didn't know what he could possibly say or do afterwards. The only alternative was to lie. Of course, he could always stretch the truth. He laughed. "Oh, I've never had a child," he said.

"Sure you haven't," Shippo muttered.

"I really haven't," he insisted.

Kagome frowned. "What?" But the don't have any method of birth control here… Of course, it was always possible that he didn't know about it. "Maybe you just don't know about it."

"No, if there was a child wandering around with a kazaana, I'm sure I would know," he said.

Sango looked angry. "So how old were you!" she growled.

Miroku's eyes widened. "Th-That's… Not important."

This did nothing to help his situation. "_How old_?"

He wanted to shrink away. "Er, it's just that…"  
"Well, out with it," Inuyasha said.

Was there no escape? Miroku's eyes darted around. "Time for a bath!" he said and rose. Sango grabbed a hold of him.

"No, you don't." She gave him a deadly look. "Tell me. Now."

Sango looked positively frightening. There was no escape. If he lied now, she'd know. He swallowed hard. "I'm a virgin," he confessed.

Kagome gaped. Inuyasha almost fell out of the tree. Shippo blinked, not quite understanding. But Sango was the most shocked. "I don't… believe you."

Miroku shrugged. "Fine! It's the truth!" He took off, thoroughly embarrassed. Ah, well. At least they hadn't really believed him!


	9. Theory Nine

**Theory Nine:**

Why Bankotsu attacked Inuyasha and not Naraku.

It really makes no sense that he immediately went after Inuyasha. Inuyasha didn't kill ANY of the Band of Seven except Bankotsu. So taking revenge against Inuyasha is absolute bull shit. If he wanted to take revenge he should've killed either Kouga (as he killed two) or Sesshomaru (killed one), as most of the Shichinintai fell to each other more than other people.

He and Jakotsu are questionable. I think we all realize this.

He clearly seemed to like Jakotsu, possibly as more than a friend; quote: "You're the only one I can trust." Unquote. Jakotsu was also there before the "band" was formed.

He also didn't really seem to mourn any of the other's deaths.

Remember that he knew that Renkotsu was betraying him all along, but that he didn't seem to care that much until after he killed Jakotsu. Also note that he killed Renkotsu with Jakotsu's hairpin.

Thus, I believe that Bankotsu was jealous, which is why he wouldn't let Jakotsu attack Inuyasha various other times, and also why he immediately went after Inuyasha, though he had no real grounds for doing so.

**The Very, Very Short Parody:**

Bankotsu turned when he heard the buzzing of a saimyosho's wings. He wondered idly when Jakotsu would finish with his "love" Inuyasha. He gritted his teeth. _Inuyasha…_ Curse it all. Jakotsu had been just fine with him until he met that stupid hanyou. That was when his obsession had started. Jakotsu had daydreamed all day about slicing Inuyasha to pieces. Of course, he never thought that way about Bankotsu (Jakotsu would be dead if he did), but that was what he had thought made him special to him.

Apparently, this just wasn't so, though. His sheer jealousy had caused him to continuously send Jakotsu after others. Bankotsu wanted to kill Inuyasha—the object of his jealousy. And he would, too.

The saimyosho buzzed down to him. It was holding something. His eyes widened when he realized what it was. He took Jakotsu's hairpin from the insect. The insect told him the name of who killed Jakotsu.

Bankotsu was furious. _Renkotsu_... He would pay for this. Renkotsu did this because he didn't want die, hm? Well, Bankotsu wasn't going to kill him, but now that sensors was going to die for doing this to Jakotsu. Renkotsu was a scheming prick, and Jakotsu was such a great guy. He really had no flaws (except for the obvious psycho-killer, but Bankotsu was also a psycho killer).

And how could Bankotsu possibly ever get over this? Jakotsu was probably back in hell. And he wouldn't see him again until he died. But he didn't want to die. He was enjoying the time here, and he had been enjoying it with Jakotsu so much. How many other gay, deadly, good-looking, sweet-natured, murders could possibly be out there?

He heard Renkotsu approaching. He was going to enjoy killing him in vengeance. He was also going to enjoy killing Inuyasha for taking Jakotsu away from him.


	10. Theory Ten

**Theory 10: Naraku and His Reincarnations**

**Part A:**

Naraku can at least mildly dictate how they look and act.

Kagura doesn't entirely count, as she was sort of a prototype. (I get into this later in Part B)

Note that the original looks the most like him.

Lately, most of them have pinkish hair and pale skin (Possibly out of obsession for the Sacred Jewel, as it usually has a rosy color unless he has it).

It is improbable that the newer ones would all look so much alike unless he was doing it on purpose.

**Part B:**

Why he doesn't just kill Kagura even though she's a traitorous (but very cool) bitch:

She's a prototype, sort of like a blueprint. You don't destroy your blueprints. Ever.

Much like a painter won't destroy their first painting, Naraku doesn't want to destroy Kagura, no matter how terrible this "painting" turned out to be.

**The parody: (Warning, Rating Changes to PG-13-ish Temporarily)**

As Kagura was walking outside, she encountered the most horrifying sight she had ever seen, or likely ever would see, in her life. It made her want to gauge out her eyes, so horrifying it was. She didn't want to believe what she was seeing, nor did she want to remember what she had seen.

She blinked, hoping that she was just hallucinating, as unlikely as that was. It was still there, however. She looked away, then back at the sight, but it didn't move. It was definitely there. But she really didn't want to believe that it could be real. It was just so horrifying that she had to deny it. She shook her head. Maybe she was just seeing things. Maybe it wasn't true. She certainly hoped so.

"Do you like them?" a voice she hated wondered. Well, not exactly the voice, but the voice was generally associated with the person, thus she had grown to hate the voice. And also monkeys.

She glanced at Naraku. "What is this?" She pointed at the appalling sight furiously, in a horrified manner. How could he be _doing_ this to her? He had conceived some vile punishments before, but this was just too much. On top of that, she hadn't even done anything recently!

He looked along the length of her finger to what she was pointing at, then back at her. Clearly, he didn't understand what she thought to be so monstrously wrong. In fact, he thought that his two newest reincarnations were quite perfect. "What's wrong with them?"

"This is disgusting!" she said, in a tone that implied that she was stating the obvious.

"I see nothing wrong."

She looked at him flatly, trying to gauge his sanity level at the moment. Finding it to be low, she chose to leave. "I'm leaving now." She walked past him out the door. He glanced back at his two new reincarnations, still trying to figure out what she thought was so wrong about them.

They looked perfect to him, even the length of their hair was appropriate, the tone of their eyes, the skin (that had been the most difficult part), and all in all, they were _perfect_. Perfect copies of himself, that is. Naraku had grown rather vain as of late, and… It wasn't gay, it was masturbation! Sort of.

In fact, their only real flaw was that their personalities were a bit different than his, and the voices were similar but didn't quite match up. But visually, they were _perfect_. So perfect, in fact, that he wondered idly if Inuyasha would mistake them for him. Maybe if he did, he'd leave him alone for a bit. Of course, the monk would know whether it was real or not, so there was no point in that. He could always mess with Sesshomaru or Kikyou's minds, though. Neither of them would know the difference. They produced the same aura (though it was counterfeit) had similar, but only imitation abilities, and they would smell the same.

The reason he had kept Kagura around until they were completed was simple, though he never wanted to tell her. He sort of… needed her, as a blueprint. True, Kanna was the older one, but he didn't really like the way she had turned out. Sometimes, it was convenient having a zombie walking around, but most of the time, not. Thus, he needed Kagura for a blueprint of a reincarnation that could think for itself. Without her, he would just have to make another blueprint. Not that he wasn't considering it, but he really didn't have the time right now. Ah, well, if the woman died, it might just influence him to do it.

In the meantime, though, his two newest reincarnations were appealing and totally naked. Hm… Was that would Kagura had been freaking out about? Ah, well. Time to get some much-needed relief.

A thought of mine: Naraku's abilities are the absolute best out of all the other characters for the modern day. I mean… Think about it (pointing to each identical reincarnation): This one does your homework, this one goes to work for you, this one cleans the house, this one is your chauffeur, and these two are for those types like me who would love to make out with themselves.


End file.
